There is no heavier burden than a big potential.

Well finally I have the ability to get on and blog. Getting chemo as I write. By the way, need I to mention that today is the LAST one. Kinda cool. Im kinda sorta happy about that.

Sorry to say that right before the move the computer crashed with very bad virus. So I've been unable to blog . But here are some of the hightlights.. My tumor markers have all decided to scoot down into the normal range. My CA-125 has moved to 17. Started out at around 250. So I'm keeping all my prayers going, not walking under any ladders, and keeping my fingers crossed that it stays there. The plan will be to have labs and scans to make sure everything stays down. Work will ne sometime in Jan. Yeah.

GOT HAIR lots of cute fuzziness on that perfectly round bald head. It's kinda neat. I can rub it and relax when I get upset at certain people I'm still realted to for approx 90 more days. Plus eyebrows are coming in all haphazzardly. Cea will have a hayday with that. I'm taking 5 pain pills before that torture session.

As you can see, I decided to start my getting back in shape. I rode my bike today about 4 miles. My legs going down the stairs felt like they were about 97 and a half years old. Day at a time. Once my blood counts get back in the normal range that should get easier. But I was finally riding again.

Last but not least today, I can finally go back to work in Jan. And my aim should begin improving while I'm throwing stuff at folks (Dr Patel is first on the list). My biggest goal inrelation to this would be to not hit people that were not meant to be on the receiving end, and have them not beat me up.
My new house is fabulous beautiful, sunny, and has now become a home. All the boxes are empty and put away. And BONUS we have up all the Christmas decorations and lights up. They look so pretty. We just have uninvited guests in the attic. PIDGEONS. Yuck. they make noise all nite, and coo, and poo all over the front porch.Hoping to get that resolved shortly.
Thanks to all for all your love and prayers, and support.
Thanksgiving was probably best yet. All my family was there. Food good, and the kids had a blast playing cornhole. NIce Nice Nice.
I'm very excited for Sunday. Starting with our hospice dinner Sunday around 1pm. Then Cea and I will take off to Trans Siberian Orchestra concert at 8pm. Hopin I can stay awake, and keep it a good day with chemo crap.

Life is filled with unexpected blessings

Well, I found a house to rent. Couldn't ask for much better. Nice house. Across the street from the school. Across the street from the rec center. Across the street from the school. Walking distance to the bus stop for Jake to get to work at the mall. Oh...and did I mention it's right across the street from the school. KIDS CAN WALK TO SCHOOL. YEAH...YEAH... That's nearly as exciting as; I ONLY HAVE 1 MORE CHEMO LEFT. Dec 2nd. the last one. Very last one. Only one more weekend of nausea, weight loss, and rotten watermelon taste in my mouth. ONly one more weekend of feeling like someone just beat the crap out of me; after I had finished the iron man triathlon, that I have no recollection of participating in. Annnddd.... only one more weekend of stool softeners and dried fruit.
The bonus of all this as that weekend is that we will be having our hospice xmas gathering, and I get to go to Trans Siberian Orchestra 4th row with Cea. Quite nice deals after chemo #6.
Yesterday we started the packing and moving process. What an ordeal. Who'd a thunk 16 years in one house would have had us moving 756 billion boxes of junk. We really really need to have a garage sale once we get moved. We had quite the moving crew. Tracy, Meagan,Diane,Courtney, Savanah, Angel, Kelly, and Jake. I did get another bald bonus at Hungry Howies last night. When I showed up to pick up the pizza, he looked at me and then started doing button pushing on the register, saying, let me see what other discount I can get ya. 6 dollars off. I guess that will be the only part of all this I will miss :)
Story of the day yest...At Madi's softball tournament(which she hit a home run clear over their head), I had to run to the bathroom to throw up. When I was done I thought I would just go pee too. But before I could do that I had to throw up some more. Then I went on my merry way to Madi's game. After her game she asked for lunch, as I stood up to go, my pants fell down. I just thought man, I really lost some weight since throwing up...Nah, just failed to zip and button them after the first bathroom trip. So I got to drop my drawers at the ball field Whoo Hoo

Guess what you are getting for xmas???

Well...sadly enough Cea and I only have 1 more disc of Dexter season 3. Monday we finally got caught up. Man, is that a great show. Never been much of a TV fan. But I'll sacrifice "perfectly healthy should be outside hiking time" for good ole Dexter.
It's 1am and these steroids are making sure I don't get an ounce of sleep for the next few days. Lets' just hope the new chemo drug gives me somewhat of a reprieve from the previous 4 cycles of hell.
I spent the day today with Cea, teaching her how to can jam...Strawberry, raspberry, peach, raspberry-peach, and triple berry. Her poor stove and microwave and my bald head looked like a Dexter crime scene. red raspberry splatter everywhere. That jam starts boiling and poppin everywhere, including Cea's eyeball too. The jam looks fabulous. (in the jars, not the floor).
OK...its off to bed to pretend to fall asleep. I'm going to get up in the am and hike Thunderbird Mtn before I have chemo at 11. Just 2 more cycles left of kicking cancers butt.
Good night

My eylashes and eyebrows have finally left

I just want it known that we didn't stop hiking because any one of us was tired. We had to get back in time for a meeting. And.. I got to take some great shots of the McDowell Mountains.
Wednesday and Thursday were such bonus days...No chemo due to major changes. So since Wed Cea was supposed to be my chemo partner, I had breakfast with her, Kelly and Scotty. Yuuummy. We then caught up on more Dexter. Perfect!
Thursday, Julie was supposed to be my Chemo partner. So we went on a hike instead with Barrie in the McDowell Mountains. Barrie kept finding hearts in the rocks. We all tried and tried to find Colette from Illinois whos copy of her passport we found. Couldn't find her. Met Twyla though! Had fun taking a few pics, and, I didn't fall. Julie...looked good in her Hope shirt and found the prickly pear with a gage hole. She didn't fall. Well neither did Barrie. None of us fell. Sadly enough, there really isn't any color changes in the desert hikes like there are in Flag. Guess that means I better go to Flag next week :)
Monday the dr decided the fact that my face, hands and feet felt as though it had been numbed by the dentist, as well as hurt, was not a good thing. Not being able to hold a pen last weekend wasn't a good thing either. Sooooo...chemo has to change. I think it's OK though. I will now get carboplatin instead of cisplatin. This is better for less neuropathy. So no more belly chemo. Just Taxol and Carboplatin every 21 days IV. I think I can handle that. Only 2 more chemo cycles. I'm a happy camper.

Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord.

Madi reminded me of this today, and I am trying to be sucessful at this. Stupid things keep trying to bring me down. Like hitting my poor Pilot and taking off. Buttheads.
I have to remember that there is always somebody's life that is having a worse story than I. It's here I just remember I have 2 of the most fabulous beautiful children in the world that they love each other tremendously. Plus I'm thinkin they really really love their momma too. I also have the best friends and family anyone could ever ever ask for. That's all we need...LOVE. Everything else is just stuff and we will get through all this, and have these stories as a guide for the rest of our lives. Madi and I had a nice conversation that God doesn't give us more than he feels we can handle. We are very strong. We will be just fine. I told them I cant' wait for the day to come when we get to help fix someone elses dilemma. I will be very good at it.
After watching Madi's ball game this morning(nice double there woman!), we met up with Julie's family and Barrie's family for church. After which we went to a nice lunch to Rock Bottom for some great mac and cheese. Mike thank you for the lunch. Madi had a great time connecting with Jake(Barrie&Mike's Jake). Emily and my Jake continue to look like twins, and Ethan and Bryce wrote a really neat song. Caroline was great at being a cute little kid with extra celery sticks. The Petty family provided our family with a nice Rubbermaid basket filled with stuff our family will be needing. Thank You so so much Petty family. You're the best. Our visit wasnt long enough before my Jake had to get to work. Darn.
Tonight we celebrated my nephews 12th birthday. Spagetti dinner. Yummy.
2 days of no pain meds. i like that. Really dont like the fingers feet and face feeling all funky. But I see the dr tomorrow to discuss changes that are going to need to occur so I can feel those body parts later on when I am teaching my grandaughter how to throw down.
Mmmmmm nothing better than nice clean sheets at bedtime. My fav.

Whatever you can do, or dream. You Can Begin it.

I'm on my way to my new life. Free of that person and lifestyle that relinquishes the part of me that makes me sad, and that hinders my ability to overcome and succeed at 1. Kicking cancers butt 2. Being the best mom I can be and 3. Following thru with my previously posted bucket list that keeps growing. The loss is terrific... But I will be in a much better place. I know it. My friends and family know it. (you guys might just have to kick my butt and remind me...probably a lot at first.OK?) I'll just keep playing Helen Reddy.
Ironically enough in the midst of my pity party yesterday my mom mantra song came blaring over the radio, and put me back in my place.. You Don't Always get What You Want, You Get What You Need. Great timing. The Universe was listening and giving me a hand. I sure appreciated that.
So my bald head got me 2 anecdotes to write about. Bonus one...a discount at Starbucks. Nice.
UnBonus one...The guy at JC Penneys that eyed me while he was in line. He got out of line caught up with me and gave me a 10 minute dissertation of his cancer and how wonderful his cancer center is and how I really should go there....Yada Yada. Holy Cow! I guess one crosses out the other :)
We're gettin ready for Halloween Jake wants to be a 16 yr old with a theater unhappy face. Madi is dressin up as a nerd. As always I am sure they will have a great time with their friends. They sure are great kids. I sure do love them a lot. Just don't think I still don't consider trading them in for a new set of sheets at Target though. I made the picture on top and put one on each kid's pillow. They loved it.
P.S. My hearts still beating...Nice and Strong

Believe in yourself. Other people do.

I'm believing every moment of everyday...FYI
Well here I am. Still hangin around. I finished round 4 of my cycles last week. This weekend has been tiring, but totally do-able. The neuropathy in hands and feet is a pain in the butt. I hope after each one that the neuropathy gets better. So far so good. But man, I know what the dr means about wanting me to be able to button my shirts when all is said and done. Just trying to open a paper clamp yest was a bit of an ordeal. No wussy butts here. I'll just sqeeze harder :)
I'm watching the forecast right now, lookin like snow in Flag for tonight. Sure do wish I was there. Plus it's freezing there. I might have to go check it out tomorrow instead of watching season 3 Dexter with Cea. I'm thinkin she's not gonna mind. She bought me Starbucks and lemon cake yesterday..Yummy. Our family is enjoying a nice popcorn basket sent by Sabra and Lou. Too cute and lots of goodies. Thanks guys
The kids had fun with homecoming at their school last week. Madi went to the dance with Matt, and looked beautiful. Jake went to fear farm and had the time of his life meeting the ugly scary clowns. Whatever floats your boat I guess. I'd have rather been hiking to Havasupai. Soon...Very soon.
I've been eating plenty of candy corn and pumpkins too. They are so so good.
Thanks to all my friends and Patti for everything you have done for me this past week of "it's all relative". I know I have to start buying shirts with extra extra large shoulder space. I'm thanking my lucky stars even that even though I am having throbbing pain in each vertabrae in my spine, I know my heart is still working; and for that I'm thankful.